A Personal Testimony: From Shame to Faith

An Engagement Party

Twenty-one years ago John and I were guests of honor at our engagement party. We invited family and close friends to announce our July wedding date. This was a special time in our lives. Our heads were so filled with busy, happy thoughts. John was going to college and was planning on finding a job. I was excited about my high school senior activities, graduation, choosing bridesmaids' dresses and making other wedding arrangements.

An Unexpected Pregnancy

About five weeks later all that changed. I suspected I was pregnant, but I ignored my symptoms for a short time, hoping they would go away. As my symptoms increased my mood deteriorated. I decided to talk to John, who insisted I tell my mother. I just didn't want to do that, but there seemed to be no other way. I was afraid to even have an illegal abortion, and I knew we couldn't wait until July to get married.

Telling my mother that I thought I was pregnant was a very hard thing to do. The look on her face was devastating to me. Thank God, she told my dad. The next day was my first visit to an obstetrician. He told me I was eight weeks along.

A Las Vegas Wedding

Our situation got worse from there. John told his parents and we all met together to change the wedding plans from a formal wedding to a Las Vegas chapel wedding. Then John and I told our wedding party that we were getting married sooner because I was pregnant. We were fortunate that John finished classes in March and started work immediately. We were married the following weekend.

Dreams Shattered

After Easter vacation I told the girls' vice principal my circumstances and she told me I would be given a home teacher. I would, should I pass my finals, receive a diploma, but I would not be able to participate in senior activities or graduation exercises.

My friends from school didn't drop by to visit anymore and I was too ashamed to visit them. Our dreams were shattered.

Our Children Arrive

On October 26, 1965 our firstborn son, Steven, arrived. Twenty-two months later Michael was born. Six years after that, Jason was born. During this time I developed a drug and drinking problem. I kept looking to the world and pills for answers to my problems. I felt empty and was never happy. John, on the other hand, always seemed to have a handle on things. And more importantly, he seemed to know right from wrong. I'd watch him read the Bible and wonder why.

Our Boys' Problems

Our children started to have real problems. Steve drew a knife on a kid at school in anger, Mike became withdrawn and destructive, and five-year-old Jason screamed at anything that didn't suit him. Their behavior made me feel frustrated and helpless. I knew, I just didn't know how to give them love.

Vacation Bible School

Our boys were invited here for Vacation Bible School and each one accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior that week. The change in the boys was remarkable. They received love and it showed in their behavior.

Jesus Became Lord of My Life

A month later our oldest son asked me if I knew Jesus was coming again and was I ready? I had to find out what that meant. I read a book that Steven had given me on the subject and finally the Bible, and alone one night, asked Jesus to become Lord of my life and show me what love is.

It still amazes me that God used the son conceived out of marriage to lead me to Himself. God's way is perfect.

Would an Abortion Have Helped?

Would an abortion have saved John and me from shame? Would an abortion have saved our parents from disappointment and embarrassment? Would an abortion have saved us from financial disaster? Later on in our lives would an abortion have been wise because of my drug habit? Is an abortion ever God's plan?