Life in Christ: Seeking the Forgiveness of Others

From Steps to Freedom by Neil Anderson

"Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, hand you over to the officer, and you are thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny" (Matthew 5:23-26 NKJV).

The Motivation for Seeking Forgiveness

Matthew 5:23-26 is the key passage on seeking forgiveness. Several points in this passage bear emphasizing:

• The worshiper coming before God to offer a gift remembers that someone has something against him.
• The Holy Spirit is the One who brings to his or her mind the wrong that was done.
• Only the actions which have hurt another person need to be confessed to them. If you have had jealous, lustful or angry thoughts toward another, and they don't know about it, these are to be confessed to God alone.
• An exception to this principle occurs when restitution needs to be made. If you stole, broke something, damaged someone's reputation, and so on, you need to go to that person and make it right, even if he or she is unaware of what you did.

The Process of Seeking Forgiveness

1. Write out what you did wrong and why you did it.
2. Make sure you have already forgiven the person for whatever he or she may have done to you.
3. Think through exactly how you will ask him or her to forgive you. Be sure to:
   • Label your action as wrong.
   • Do not blame the other person, and do not expect or demand that he or she ask for your forgiveness.
4. Seek the right place and the right time to approach the offended person.
5. Ask for forgiveness in person from anyone with whom you can talk face-to-face, with the following exception: Do not go alone when your safety might be in danger.
6. Except where no other means of communication is possible, do not write a letter, because a letter can be very easily misread or misunderstood; a letter can be read by the wrong people (those having nothing to do with the offense or the confession); a letter can be kept when it should have been destroyed.

Once you sincerely seek forgiveness, you are free, whether the other person forgives you or not.

After seeking forgiveness, fellowship with God in worship (see Matthew 5:24).