A Young Women's Mentoring Tips

Mentoring Tips

1. Tell me a story about your life. About your parents, your early career, music you liked. Telling your story helps me tell mine truthfully.

2. Be authentic with me. I want to hear about the "messes" too, not that you have all the answers. That's boring. I usually don't relate to such glowing reports. Don't just tell the "everything turned out great" story. Tell me how you failed, tell me where you succeeded, and tell me what you have learned along the way. Where are you struggling to trust God? Who most influenced your life? Don't try to make it seem easier than it really was.

3. Spend time with me. Don't try to speak truth to me without a context. Don't criticize my life before you really listen. I will resent your advice. If you approach me as a project to disciple or coach, I'm likely to run. To speak into my life, begin by spending time and getting to know me. I love coffee. I love to eat. I love talking about books, God and the world. Have a conversation with me. Call. Drop by. Go to the mall or to the movies with me. If you don't know me, you lack credibility.

4. Help me look in the mirror. Once you know me, ask questions that will help me look in the mirror and be honest. Questions like: "Can you hear yourself talking?" "Do you really believe what you just said?" "Why do you think your actions are different than your words?" Don't let me off the hook and don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. The Apostle Paul didn't seem overly concerned about hurting others' feelings: "You foolish Galatians!" Truth is not always easy to hear but I need it. Questions about where I am can help me look in the mirror and stop pretending.

5. Keep my confidences. Don't share my story without permission. It will enrich our relationship greatly if I can talk to you without fear that my story will become next week's small group illustration.

6. Pray with me. I need your prayers but I also would like to pray for you.

7. Offer me grace. Don't patronize me. Be down to earth.

8. Encourage my spiritual growth. Ask: "What are you reading?" "What are you learning in the Word?" "What is God telling you in prayer?" I also like to hear.

9. Take the initiative. Be open to a friendship with me and I will be open to you.

10. Be patient with me.